Erin MN's

Old crush

2011-11-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

Before I even knew you went overseas, I've come to realize that I've made a mistake.

I know perhaps we remain friends now. Anyhow I don't even remember saying let's just be friends. And I remember that I didn't even want to have anything to do with you, after I confessed to you.

I realized, before I told people about my regrets. I already realized, that I have made a mistake. You were the only who see through me. Through whatever I am. At least I think it seems so.

It seems like I've let go of a perfect person. That total regret.

But now you don't even try to start a conversation or reply to my messages. Well I guess you're not that kind of person.

Hidup #9

2011-07-12T18:51:00.000+08:00

Segala suka duka, penghinaan dan ejekan harus kutelan sendiri. Dan aku sedar risiko ini sejak mula, sejak aku tahu aku harus menjalani praktikal sendirian kali ini. Syakila dan Maria masing-masing membawa diri ke destinasi pilihan masing-masing.

2011-07-12T18:48:00.002+08:00

I'm abandoning blogger. I have a more amazing way of expressing my feelings than here.
PEACE OUT.

Hidup #7

2011-06-04T10:50:00.000+08:00

Mencari kejujuran manusia pada hari ini samalah seperti mencari sebutir permata daripada kilauan pasir di pantai, hanya satu dalam sejuta.

Hidup #6

2011-05-31T10:21:00.000+08:00

Sekukuh mana pun tembok yang dapat menahan ombak kepedihan yang menggelapar dalam dada, ia akhirnya runtuh jua!

I could not sleep throughout that night... pt. 2

2011-05-30T22:31:00.000+08:00

The second I turned to my left, a puma look-alike was about to leap at me, roaring, making its many layers of teeth visible. Yet with a speed of light, I jumped to the other side as to dodge its attack. I fell with a hard bump. It was painful but the beast was not about to give up.

I took a branch that lay on the floor which happened to have a sharp end and stood up. The beast gritted its teeth and I made the first move. I jerked the rather heavy branch towards the beast. Instead, the beast bit the branch and tried to shake if off my hands.

As I struggled, I thought, ‘Friday. It is the day that mother told me not to ever step into the woods on this particular day.’ She never told me why but now I got it.

An ancient story said that the beast was actually beyond a man’s fight. Without further due, I let the ranch go and broke into a run. I did not know where I was heading because fear rushed through me. I tried not to trip over the obstacles on the ground or a branch on my head. Adrenaline rush really helped me to survive.

I did not dare to turn around but just ran like a wind. When I saw an open end, I was the happiest person in the world. I kept running and the moment I saw something familiar about the open end, I tried to stop. Yet inertia kept me moving forward and when I did, I was actually jumping off a cliff to see a vast sea before me. I could hardly scream as I was approaching the water with an increasing velocity.

As the water seemed closer, I embraced myself and entered the sea with a big splash. Fortunately my three years of swimming class helped me to get my head above the water.

With a superior strength, I swam to the shore with a furious speed. As I reached the shore, I panted really hard. It was as if jumping from a frying pan into a fire! I looked high up above and saw the beast at the cliff. I could not believe that the cliff was extremely high, and I had survived the jump, without breaking any of my bones. I believed that no normal human could possibly survive that. That was why this terrifying tragedy made me wide awake, unbelieving of the truth.

Hidup #5

2011-05-29T21:44:00.000+08:00

Amat kekok mendepani anak-anak. Tak tahu bagaimana harus bertindak dan bergaul, apa yang harus kuperbual dan apa yang tak boleh. Kalau dengan rakan sebaya atau remaja seusia Anita, tentu saja aku boleh berkasar atau mengejek. Tapi kalau dengan anak-anak kecil, dapatkah aku buat demikian?

Hidup #4

2011-05-28T09:02:00.001+08:00

Tak mungkin kuceritakan perasaanku yang sebenarnya kepada sesiapa, apatah lagi pada orang yang baru kukenal. Itu memang sikapku yang biasa – berbohong, berpura itu juga perlu dalam hidup ini. Persahabatan boleh musnah jika terlalu berterus terang.

Words (essay) pt. 2

2011-05-28T06:00:00.000+08:00

Before the day got dark, I decided to leave the pond, still hoping my father would stop trying to be my best friend. When I entered my house, it was eerily quiet.

“Dad?” I called him out, but there was no response. I went into the guest room – the place where he would always be.

“Dad?” I called him again as I slowly pushed the ajar door. I was too shocked to see what was before me until I could feel myself turned pale. He was lying on the floor, unmoved.

“DAD?!” I dropped my bag and shook him to wake him up. Floodgates of emotion were opened with sadness. I assured myself that there was still a ray of hope. With the knowledge I had, I listened to his heart beat. Nothing could be heard.

“NO! You cannot leave me!” I cried and shook him more vigorously. My eyes were burry and watery with tears.

“How could you leave me without giving me a chance to make amends for my sin to you?” I said to his dead body with wavery voice. What I said before I left the house must have given him a heart attack, because then only I remembered that he had a high blood pressure. My words must have affected him profoundly. He died and I was not there. I abandoned him.

When logic came to me, I called the ambulance. Funeral was made and the neighbours came over to pay condolescence. I was devastated by his death. My neighbours didn’t know what really happened. There was no need for them to know as I was really ashamed of myself.

Now, there was nothing I could do to reverse his death. When I flashed back, he actually looked good in the t-shirt and the three-quarter pants.

“My handsome father...,” I whispered to myself. He should not die at such young age. Yet still, those were the last words I said. I knew by then that words could kill.

As I watched Joe and Kylar playing, I was determined not to disappoint them and to think twice before I say anything. I just could not bear another loss of my beloved ones.

Take it back

2011-05-27T13:13:00.003+08:00

Remember when I sarcastically said,

And so we parted to our own ways. Tak kesah pun. There's another more than six months seeing each other.

I actually really care now. Dude, I miss you :'|

Hidup #3

2011-05-27T12:49:00.002+08:00

Segalanya adalah pura-pura. Berpura-pura pada diriku sendiri. Berpura-pura tabah dengan cara menekan perasaanku jauh ke dalam hatiku, tak nampak pada mata orang lain tetapi ia menyeksakan diam-diam bagai api dalam sekam, tanpa siapa pun mengerti, tanpa siapa dapat fahami.

Words (essay) pt. 1

2011-05-27T08:00:00.000+08:00

When I was preparing tea and biscuits, I grinned to myself as Joe was wrestling with our son, Kylar. Kylar was still small in his tender years of eleven. He had no other choice but to tickle his father. Joe asked him to stop in between his laughing.

Yet, the instant the image of my father crossed my mind, I could feel my smile faded. Words could affect a person’s life so much no matter how much one assured himself that what people said did not matter. Words could even ring in your ears forever, even if they were your own words. I really hoped that I could bounce back to the time when the words should be unsaid...

Mother disappeared without any notice. It seemed like she left us for good. I knew the split would happen. What could father possibly say to my mother until she left us? He would never tell me that. I was never fond of my parents even when I was at the age of sixteen. Yet we could have changed things to be better. Nonetheless, it seemed as if my mother gave up on us, but father didn’t. Since the sudden divorce happened, my father tried to be my best friend, as if he just realized that I was important to him. The way he expressed it – he just treaded on my toes.

He came to my school and hung out with the kids in the school, from variety group of students. Not only that, he dressed up like a teenager – a tight shirt and a pair of three-quarter pants. Everywhere I went in the school, unknown students would greet and wave at me, “Hey, you’re Mr. D’s daughter!”

It was an embarrassment to me that people even knew that he was my father. Unexpected, he even thought of being a teacher in my school! “I do not think that is a good idea, dad,” I insisted.

To my surprise, father agreed with my statement. I felt so relieved. Nevertheless, he still came to my school to give me food for breakfast. That was more embarrassing than having people say he was my father.

Every time he did that, people took a glance at us and giggled. If a boy did so, father would misunderstand that the boy actually liked me. That was really ridiculous. My brain could not grasp on why the students could laugh out loud on what he said. I lived with embarrassment for months and I could not take it anymore.

As soon as I arrived home, I went straight to my room. My bedroom’s door was ajar. I got closer to see my father was reading a book that looked really familiar – my diary.

“Dad, what are you doing?” I was so angry and I snatched the book from him and I was on my way to get out from the house.

“Cindy, wait! Cindy...!” he said softly and grabbed my arm.

I pulled my arm back to be freed from his firm grip and turned around to face him. “Get your own life!” I yelled at him while looking straight onto his eyes. I had enough of him and I just blew my top.

I stormed outside and slammed the door really hard. Quickly I walked past the gateless houses and disappeared at the corner to somewhere peaceful.

Hidup #2

2011-05-26T22:20:00.001+08:00

Sekali-sekala tolong kawan, apa salahnya. Hidup bersahabat mesti pandai jaga hati sahabat. Waktu kawan susah, wajiblah kita menolong, nanti giliran kita susah, siapa nak tolong kalau bukan kawan kita?

Hidup #8

2011-05-25T22:23:00.006+08:00

Aku mengakui aku memang tak suka pada budak-budak kecil, bukan kerana benci tetapi kerana aku tidak pandai merujuk atau ambil hati mereka. Sikapku juga tak sabar kalau mereka tak makan dek pujuk. Aku juga penat dengan sikap mereka yang pelbagai kerenah. Ini aku alami tiap kali bila aku melayani sepupu-sepupuku yang masih kecil. Tambahan pula, di rumahku tiada anak-anak kecil sejak sekian lama.

Hidup #1

2011-05-25T22:20:00.009+08:00

Bersahabat dengan lelaki menjadikan peribadiku kasar, juga tingkah-lakuku kadang-kadang kurang ajar, barangkali kerana terpengaruh dengan mereka. Tetapi kali ini, aku jadi begitu perasa, kembali pada hati perempuanku yang lembut seperti mana perempuan-perempuan lain itu.

I could not sleep throughout that night... pt. 1

2011-05-25T22:10:00.003+08:00

I could not sleep throughout that night, thinking how in the world that I could still be able to lie on my bed and think of this dreadful event. What happened that day gave me chills from the nape of my neck, swirling down my spine...

The instant the clock ticked to four, I scrambled and made my way to the forest behind my house. I had a really bad day in school. So the forest was the best place for me to relax and just enjoy. Although I had been into the woods several times before, the beauty of the forest never failed to arouse me.

From the outside, the woods gave a promising beauty and peace. As I stepped into the woods and went a little further, I thought I was in a wonderland. The sound of birds chirping was really clear. Various species of flowers with a torrent of colours had added extra toppings on the beauty. Some of them crept underneath the huge and tall trees, others twirl around the branches and more of the plants climbed high above to the tip of the trees.

Grass was not the only plant that covered the ground. Ferns and button mushrooms also survived below the large trees although light barely shone on the ground as it was covered by the huge trees. I thought I saw a squirrel jumping from tress to trees, but it was so fast that I doubted it was a squirrel.

It was plainly breathtaking and I was bedazzled by the magnificence until I was not worried at all if a beast was about to devour me.

‘Crack.’ Out of the blue, I heard the crunchy sound of the dried leaves on the ground. It was a bolt from the blue, as every time I came here, no one or nothing would make that sound except me. Flapping of wings was so clear to my ears as if the twittering birds were running from something, which I believed was danger.

I realized that the world had become a quiet place until I could hear my own heart beating so fast. I stopped walking and waited for the unknown, darting my eyes back and forth towards... nothing.

to be continued...

A Beautiful Hadith

2011-05-25T15:05:00.005+08:00

I received this message in FB. I've forward it to a number of people but I think posting it here publicly is better.

* * * * *

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said:

'When a man dies and his relatives are busy in funeral,
there stands an extremely handsome man by his head.
When the dead body is shrouded,
that man gets in between the shroud and the chest of the deceased.

When after the burial, the people return home, 2 angels,
Munkar and Nakeer (names of two special Angels),
come in the grave and try to separate this handsome man
so that they may be able to interrogate the dead man
in privacy about his faith.

But the handsome man says,
'He is my companion, he is my friend..
I will not leave him alone in any case.
If you are appointed for interrogation, do your job.
I cannot leave him until I get him admitted into Paradise.'

Thereafter, he turns to his dead companion and says,
'I am the Qur'an, which you used to read,
sometimes in a loud voice and sometimes in a low voice.
Do not worry. After the interrogation of Munkar and Naker,
you will have no grief.'

When the interrogation is over, the handsome man arranges for him from Al-Mala'ul A'laa (the angels in Heaven) silk bedding filled with musk.

Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said:

'On the Day of Judgment, before Allah swt, no other Intercessor will have a greater status than the Qur'an, neither a Prophet nor an angel.'

Please keep forwarding this 'Hadith' to all ....because
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said:

'Pass on knowledge from me even if it is only one verse'.
May Allah bestow this favor on all of us.

AMEEN
Assalamu Alaikum

We are praying that the following message in the next seven days would reach at least FIVE MILLION Muslims all over the world, Insha-Allah. Please forward this message TODAY to your friends and relatives and earn abundant Rewards from Allah Subhanahu wataala.

SAYINGS (HADITH) OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD (Sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam)

The one who disdains prayers (Solat) will receive Fifteen punishments from Allah.

Six punishments in this lifetime:
Three while dying
Three in the grave &
Three on the Day of Judgment.

THE SIX PUNISHMENTS OF LIFE :
1. Allah takes away blessings from his age (makes his life misfortunate)
2. Allah does not accept his plea (Doa's)
3. Allah erases the features of good people from his face.
4. He will be detested by all creatures on earth.
5. Allah does not reward him for his good deeds. (No Thawab)
6. He will not be included in the Doa's of good people.

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS WHILE DYING :
1. He dies humiliated.
2. He dies hungry.
3. He dies thirsty. Even if he drinks the water of all seas he will still be thirsty.

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS IN THE GRAVE :
1. Allah tightens his grave until his chest ribs come over each other.
2. Allah pours on him fire with embers.
3. Allah sets on him a snake called 'the brave', 'the bold' which hits him from morning until afternoon for leaving Fajr prayer, from the afternoon until Asar for leaving Dhuhr prayer and so on. With each strike he sinks 70 yards under the ground..

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS ON THE DAY OF JUDGMENT :
1. Allah sends who would accompany him to hell pulling him on the face.
2. Allah gives him an angry look that makes the flesh of his face fall down.
3. Allah judges him strictly and orders him to be thrown in hell.

Note: If you get this copy, please make copies of it and distribute them among all Muslims. You will be earning a Reward as well as helping to show your brother the Right Path. May Allah give guidance to all of us.
AAMEEN!!!!!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
THOSE WHO DO NOT SAY THEIR PRAYERS OF:

FAJR : the glow of their face is taken away.
ZUHR : the blessing of their income is taken away.
ASAR : the strength of their body is taken away.
MAGHRIB : they are not benefited by their children.
'ISHA : the peace of their sleep is taken away.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
THE HOLY QUR'AN:

'Say Your Prayers Before Prayers For You Are Said'.

Memories

2011-05-05T00:36:00.004+08:00

Sometimes memories don't need to be written on papers.
They are captured so well and beautifully at the back of your mind.
You don't need black and white report so that you can remember the details.

The memory plays the moments, even the moments when we cared less about.
You don't need to write it down. It's just there in your mind.
If it's worth to keep, it's always gonna burn at the back of your mind.

So if a flash of memory somehow suddenly crossed your mind, it means you cherished that moment and still do.
Even if the person is not special to you anymore.
They are apparently the moments in which you felt gloomy or ecstatic.

Short and Simple

2011-04-26T11:03:00.005+08:00

I've lost my 2010 a page to a day diary which was full of wonderful quotes and notes about my daily life. I don't even have a picture of it! GEEZ. It was my 2010 resolution to write a page to a day, even short and simple. But then I lost it. Now I could never know EXACTLY how I was when I was in Form 5. Not detailed, no.

Nonetheless, my 2011 resolution? It's the same resolution. To just write about each day in 2011, in short and simple way in my diary (coz apparently I'm busy in University). So short and simple would be nice. If I have mood, I'd write more than just a quote of the day. That's all. It's crucial to me. And it starts today.

Book Fiesta

2011-04-24T16:18:00.014+08:00

So much for the name. We went there just for fun. I didn't buy even one book but only played games. And that was the best part.
My outfit yesterday for the fiesta was in the picture above. And because of that, I got some credts :D

There was a game. You gotta buy SINAR newspaper for RM1 then only you can play the game.

I was so excited to do crazy stuffs. I didn't care the fact that Imma do it in public anymore. No one knew me anyway, and no cameraman for a show.

Yet, while waiting for my turn, I saw the contestants before me got really crazy dares. Seeing them play just made me wanted to turn back. SEGAN kot -.-

But then I thought, where's the fun without a bit of craziness?

First you gotta pick out of an envelope randomly. And the game host (afro guy) opened the envelope for me. He started reading it, 'GIGITAN CINTA. Itulah bla bla bla... anda perlu makan buah epal hijau dalam masa 20 saat bla bla bla dan jika anda berjaya anda akan memenangi rm20!'

The price was intriguing but the dare was.. WTH?!?! With the braces on, I couldn't even finish a SMALL apple in 10 minutes so how could I finish the big one in 20 seconds?!

It turned out that the second game host gave me 1 minute to finish it which was still not enough. Sweet niblets.

Then the third game host, whom was really good-looking handed me the apple.

'Adik pakai camni, saya kasi up sikit la. RM40 saya bagi,' he said while examining my outfit. Of course, I was flattered! Hahah.

One thing I don't like about an eating game is that people can see how I eat, especially with my braces on. And the fact that I had to eat in front of this guy -.-

Nevertheless, I didn't care. I just made a big bite each. But I couldn't do it fast. I just had to chew -.- I think one rule for eating game is that you don't chew. You swallow.

'Habisla rosak gigi camni..haha,' the third game host said. I didn't care and kept on eating until the time went off.

'10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 !!'
I went, 'YAY!!!' Nak buat apa lagi, dah tak habis, just embrace it lah -.-
The fact that this good-looking guy.. HIHI

And then another game host of Roda Kata at another place, called me out, 'Haa yang pakai macam Yuna tu, mai la sini.' Yang ni serious mula mula aku taknak main -.-

Other staffs were hanging out with my classmates and no rushing home. It was the best feeling so far :)

No better than my loves

2011-04-16T09:07:00.010+08:00

No one can replace my dear sweethearts. Each of them has their own strength. And..

Each day is always with laughter no matter how gloomy the day would be.
We really got each other's back. We won't leave out anyone.
I still can't imagine if we're in separated rooms :(
you guys plainly...
COLOUR MY LIFE .

Advice from a friend

2011-03-26T12:29:00.004+08:00

Don't mess with it (relationship) if you're not ready. If you're not the cold hearted and are not ready to take all the consequences, don't deal with it. But if you're not ready but still want it, you can do it. You'll gain experience. Just like how I did. Experience is important. My advice here is don't limit your views. Try to make something new. Even if it would be wrong.

Then I came across to Solusi. The part you said if you're not ready, don't do it; that's the most brilliant advice you've given to me. Apparently Solusi says the same thing. As if what you said was something that came from somewhere.

I'm not ready and that's the reason why I still stand alone. Thanks buddy :)

SINTESIS MAGAZINE 09/10 IS AWESOME

2011-03-25T19:27:00.002+08:00

MRSM Kuantan's 09/10 magazine is soooo awesome. KUDOS to our juniors Nuna, Ella (especially), Feyna, Shafiq, and others! You guys did a GREAT job. I LOVE it. And if someone complains about it, that person has problem with their eyes.

I know your pictures appear more in the mag, but I can't blame you guys. You did most of the job. So, it's a win win. Thanks for all the effort!

My SABian friends love it. Simple and sempoi :)

Breathe out that relief

2011-03-24T17:10:00.006+08:00

The smallest baby step in life has passed with a great achievement. It's more than I expected. Really! What's more important is that I'm still qualified for MARA scholarship. Alhamdulillah.

This is just the smallest fragment of life. Nak dibanggakan sangat pun, benda ni dah lepas. It's not how good you started. It's about how good you ended. If you started good, like good SPM results, but in university, you flunk, your SPM results is like useless to you.

I'll try to treat this Triumph and Disaster the same.

Now I can breath a sigh of relief, and move on with my current life.

But before I move on, I need to enjoy first! *Just like what our lecturer said :)

2011-03-24T17:04:00.010+08:00

Sometimes I'm happy thinking about you, sometimes I don't.
Basically, it's safer if I don't think about you. So this phase is where I'm trying to forget you.
Actually I can't. Yo're my best friend. And we're still contacting each other. To hang out, to update each other. So plainly I can't forget about you.

Just that, I won't talk about you to my friends, but only to myself. Just keep it to myself although it's the hardest thing to do - to keep things from people.

Talking about you to my friends would make my infatuation grows stronger and deeper. So it's best to just zip it. Bila orang tak tahu, lagi bagus.

DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM. You don't even talk about your girlfriends to your roommates. Why would you talk about your guyfriend? Okay. That settles the case.

2011-03-24T02:18:00.029+08:00

Bengkek ah kau. Sesenang je kau cakap 'aku sayang kau, erin' kat depan dia. Just saja saja nak buat dia jeles. Senang nya kau cakap benda tu. Senangnya kau nak pass those words.

Aku tak benci dia sebab dia makwe kau. Aku cuma suffocate. Dah la makan depan korang, tengah sweet sweet. EEE. Tapi korang dua kawan baik aku. Suka tengok korang sebenarnya. And it proved so much that kau sangat sangat setia kat dia.

Tapi kau tahu tak yang kau cakap kau rindu aku? Actually I melted to those words... Kau call aku nak inform results kau pun. Aku serious bangga dengan kau. Serious aku happy untuk kau. Apa yang aku cakap kat fon, cara aku cakap semua, pure happiness. Lagi lagi bila kau cakap kau rindu aku.

Aku call Ainaa. Dia cakap tiap kali kau jumpa dia, mesti cerita pasal aku. Mesti cakap kau rindu aku. Kau tahu tak apa kau buat tu buat aku gembira? Buat aku lagi tambahkan harapan? Kau tahu tak i take it the different way?

What if we're best friends and lovers?

Even though time aku suka akram, aku bandingkan dia dengan kau. Aku suka bila jalan ngan kau, nak bagi akram nampak. Bengkek doh perasaan ni. Aku suka jalan sama sama dengan kau je. Dah biasa.

Mak aku siap tanya, makwe kau tak marah ke? (Tapi bila masa aku btaw dia kau ada makwe, tak ingat plak -.-) Aku cakap la tak marah. Sebab aku tahu kau dah prove and terangkan betul betul kat dia yang aku ni hanya best friend kau. Sebab tu aku tak kesah nak lepak dengan kau. Aku pun tak kesah apa dia fikir sebab aku tahu kau takkan curang kat dia. Aku pun taknak benda tu terjadi.

Tapi... aku tahu, semua tu hanya sebagai kawan.

BTW, apa yang kau buat kat dia, dengan selamba nya kau pegang dia. Aku tak suka oh.
Camni. Bila dah couple, girl mesti la nak dicuddle, mesti nak punya let her boyfriend hold her. So feel secured. Kau nak halang, awkward la. Dia boyfriend kau. Camtu la. And actually i don't like to show that to public. Even tho kalau I ada BF, i mesti bagi, tapi i actually tak suka. Image yang buruk. Tu la I taknak couple. I taknak bagi laki pegang. Yeah..

Planning a journey to Kuantan

2011-03-19T14:20:00.006+08:00

I soooo can't wait to go to Kuantan, back to my old beloved school! I'm even going there alone without my parents.

Having parents come along would be a problem. You can't hang out with your friends anywhere and anytime. And if my results suck, having them with you, would make things awkward. Seeing their faces after knowing my result then and there, would be such a dejection. Really.

Anyway, I'm still praying for the best for my result and tawakkal. That's all I can do now. What I am so excited about is meeting my friends. YAY!

Gonna bring my backpack, just in case :)

Anak manja

2011-03-16T08:01:00.014+08:00

I'm not feeling well, not I'm sick. Get it? It makes difference.

I got up in the morning on Monday, feeling ill. I kept on sneezing. As the day went on, the mucus started to melt hugely. It oozed out from the left hole of my nose and triggered the tear glands of my left eye. Sometimes tears just welling up and sometimes tears fell down my cheeks.

I have the habit of sticking a tissue in my nose hole, so that I need not suck the mucus back in, or have it flow down freely from my nozzle.

The flu got worse and fever stroke me. At night, I had to have that damped cloth to put on my forehead to cool me down. It was indeed a pleasure. In my head, I could picture a wet damped cloth put on a hot stuff and it sizzles. Psssttt.

On the next day, it had gone so terrible that I could only stand the fever and flu until 12pm. For the first time studying here, I skipped a class. But it was unintentional. I couldn't make it. My body was weak, like really. I needed a rest.

Mum asked me to try to go to the clinic by myself. If I couldn't make it at around 3pm, I should call her so my parents could come over (which was what I really wanted). But I overslept. Kind of lazy to go by myself and also scared. I couldn't trouble my friends. They had classes to attend. Going around this new world alone is just nerve-wrecking.

Instead, dad called me and got angry over the phone. Of why I didn't go to clinic already. So they decided to come over after Maghrib. (It's kind of 40 minutes journey).

They came and brought me to clinic and we ate dinner together. Not at Medan Selera Seksyen 2. No way. It was a mamak's restaurant.

Anyway, I felt really relieved that they came over. And ate together. Mum could barely follow dad to pick me up or something. But this time, she came along because it was school's holiday.

I felt loved. And being the last one in the family - what people say, 'bongsu mesti anak manja' - it suited me well (although I always try to deny it and want to prove that I'm not, to the world, I just couldn't. Truth is the truth.)

Lengthy mixed stories

2011-03-11T21:04:00.033+08:00

I realize even sisters don't update you everyday. Except your mom. Mom listens to you even when they're exhausted or tired or sick or happy. But friends and sisters...

You just can't blame them if they lack of showing care sometimes. Heck, erin, it's SOMETIMES not ALWAYS. Most of the times, they'd willingly listen to you.

I've forgotten how offensive atul can be. It's her. I have to accept it. Don't I trust her anymore? Why didn't I just say it? Just say that she actually hit that right into my gut. It's like being mad, screaming at me because I'm not good. Out-to-date. Too shallow. The way she typed it, gave me the wrong message. But I know it's selfish for me to feel that way when she's worried about tsunami in Japan. And all the people in it especially her foster family.

Madihah is right. Girls are complicated, banyak kerenah. Girls tak open. Most girls, which includes me. I just can't voice out how I actually feel. Like how I feel kat Atul. Apa yang dia cakap tadi.

I pictured guys having that conversation. Mesti open, cam cakap je, and then, gelak gelak. It doesn't have to prolong. A simple confession would make things better. Lagi lama, lagi teruk effect dia.

Nonetheless, Atul's right, I'm like katak bawah tempurung. That's what the words came out from her meant. Just that I don't like the way she delivered it.

Babe, sorry okay? Maybe mood swing ._.

***

So I felt really energetic today. I sang in the morning, even bila siap siap nak pegi kelas t5. Macam I'll know things will be good today. Like, not being sleepy in the class.

And I was right. Tak mengantuk langsung time T5. Bukan sebab I know it would be satu jam lebih je kelas. Heck, I actually looked forward for Puan to extend it to 12pm. Tapi ada talk tu pula. Takpelah.

Cara taknak mengantuk are,
- minum nescafe pagi pagi.
- Set a good mood.
- Give 100% attention to lecturer. Heck, bagi 200%.
- Respond to what she says.
- WAJIB salin apa dia cakap. Like every word that comes out from her mouth.
*kalau miss, memang kau rugi. Sebab jawapan setiap soalan ada daripada apa lecturer cakap. Kau nak fahamkan point tu pun susah kalau miss.
- Bila dah tahu kena salin, kita lagi aware kita tak boleh rasa mengantuk. Kalau tak, miss apa lecturer cakap.

***

Early this morning, I watched videos on ways to wear scarf, especially pashmina, on youtube.

Mind you, I've always secretly guna Shera's (my roommate) broadband. Sebab pagi-pagi memang dia tak guna. And dia tak kesah. Heheh thanks Shera.

So my target was Hana Tajima's style. I love the effortless way of wearing a scarf. Memang simple and neat! But I adjust sikit sikit so that it covers the top.

I've been wanting to know how to wear it since I saw her on Maria Elena's blog. *Past few weeks baru kenal siapa Hana Tajima sebenarnya. Additionally, when I saw a senior wearing like Hana, I was like wow, that looks so nice on her. So I wanted to try it out.

Jadi la juga. Just that I still feel uncomfortable wearing like that sebab dia tak ikut shape muka. Takut nampak selekeh. But actually style tu memang untuk tak kesah your bentuk shawl kat muka nampak macam mana. Basically to try something new, you need that courage and confidence.

So bagus la ada new style. Kalau tak, bosan je style sama since the first time I wear shawl. Even my sister changed her style of wearing shawl.

***

21st March, the date of final exam for T2. I'm pshyced. I've become more determined to get 75+ after failing and having tutorials with Madame.

Man, I still depend on people to pass a paper. MARA student ke ni?

Pusat Sukan

2011-02-15T19:32:00.008+08:00

I played tennis alone. And then a guy whom I thought was in his forties, asked me to join him. It turned out that he actually looked like he was in his twenties.

I got to play with them. But I couldn't be friendly like, 'Heyy, what's your name?' and go all chirpy. It's in me, playing in my head, but not in me to do it.

My friend thought that's sort of sombong. Oh geez, could they be thinking like that too? Was that their first impression of me? Man, I always put bad first impressions.

Nonetheless, after knowing what I did was rather not appropriate, I should be more lively. Just don't get myself embarrassed.

Live it

2011-02-15T00:29:00.009+08:00

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly, and without fear for newer and richer experience.

This relates so much to my university life. All these days, all I think was the chance to go back home. I didn't realize that activities at UiTM are so much more fun than staying at home, surfing the internet. Or I call it, doing nothing. I don't do good staying at home. All I do are going online, watching tv, eat, sleep, and getting fat. Chores? Helping mom in the kitchen? The accountability still doesn't appear in me.

I'm just jealous listening to my friends talking about how great some activities were. They got to mingle with each other. They knew each other better. And I missed out that opportunity.

I should have reached out eagerly to taste what life is by joining all the activities. That should not be included as a geek. Participating means socializing. And I should do more of it. Not just staying home or my room. That's why you say live life to the fullest.

I think I needa get my head in the game. To think like how I've been thinking in MJSC Kuantan, and not being a spoiled brat.

Punk'd

2011-02-12T11:47:00.018+08:00

February 8th 2011
I got out of the class, reached for my bag for the phone to read the new messages that came in during the class - to see that the red phone was not there. I got panicked and went back to the class to see if I left it. But I was so sure that there was no sound of a phone dropping on the floor.

Whoever would take it? I could not accuse my classmates, my friends - they were too good of a person. I believed them that much.

In the cafeteria, I found out my camera was also gone too. I thought I brought it everywhere and was very sure that I've put it in my bag. I didn't leave it at home. It was too precious. I love capturing moments. I couldn't sit still and decided not to eat and go back to my room.

The sad part was that, my friends told me to think carefully - perhaps I misplaced it, perhaps I didn't even bring them to class. They made me think I was being careless, or halucinating. That made me got angrier. How could my friends say that? But maybe they were right. Because sometimes I AM careless.

My friends didn't help me search for those stuffs. They were like, it's okay, they must be in some place somewhere, don't worry. How could I not worry when I lost them at the same time? Why did the stealer didn't take my purse too? I felt pissed off with myself and also with them.

I felt like a ghost took it, like toyol. Like there was a huge power at work here. Stupid, I know. I even thought there was somebody that was making a prank on me. Kusut gila ok.

At night, I was like, pasrah, redha and tawakkal and went to eat at Medan Selera Seksyen 2. My friends pun macam tak risau sangat, so I didn't want to burden them with my griefness. It felt so light to go out without my precious things.

When I was eating, I felt a thump in my heart, feeling so incredibly sad, but what else I could do? I lost them already, and I tried to search for it. I even lost my black simple handphone, when I was not in the room. Geez.

But when we got home... a happy birthday song was sang, by my batchmates. I cried so loud, especially when I saw my camera in the hands of Fadzlin. Like, 'OMG camera aku, camera aku!!' Of course I got mad at them, in a good way. Really, I could feel the relief washed through me.

Thank god you guys didn't see me cry and I ate for dinner before I knew I got punk'd.

Muka Ada paling annoying haha

Cats camping behind the house

2011-02-12T11:04:00.011+08:00

My dad is a cat-person, a cat-lover. But there is one thing that holds him back from keeping one. I think feeding the cats is one way to show his love for the cats.

He started feeding them some time in the end of last year. Since then, the cats always come to our house, waiting to be fed. They've become so fluffy from skinny bones. Heck, they even eat chicken bones, wholly. Like wow, aren't chicken bones supposed to be so hard like rocks?

Well, today I gotta chance to see them being fed. At first, the cats camped at the back of our house. I thought it'd be interesting to capture a picture of them. So I ran off to take the camera and came back, to see there was no memory card in it. The cats saw me.
I left the kitchen to take the card. Surprisingly they left the place, thinking there was no food when they saw me leaving them - except for one cat.
When dad threw a small piece of meat, then only they gathered back. Such hypocrites!

It was unexpected when they prioratize the kitty to eat first. Such kindness in the cats. They even feel that.

One thing that captured me was their eyes, magnificent eyes. When I looked at them in the eyes, it was as if they were asking for sympathy, asking me to give them food. Their eyes were like the eyes of Puss in Boots in Shrek 3 - round and big eventhough not literally, but that was how it seemed and felt like. Amazing.

Fake infatuation

2011-02-06T16:52:00.008+08:00

To me, you're different from any other guy because you talk to any girls. You are a gentleman to every girl. And I got that treatment only from you. No other guy would really wanna do that. So basically, the infatuation is because you're the only guy who treats me like that. But the truth is, you treat me like you treat other girls just the same.

That's why I'm just imagining things. You easily fool me. And you don't even know.

In conclusion, there's nothing to be infatuated about you. I'm just a friend. I realize that :)

Just imagination

2011-02-06T16:35:00.007+08:00

Actually I created you and me.
You make me treat you just the same as the others.
That makes you nothing special.

18 years of life

2011-02-06T09:44:00.004+08:00

You guys made my 18th year so wonderful! :)

Reading

2011-01-26T22:01:00.007+08:00

Reading the Night Angel is as though watching it in live, watching the characters grow, living in their time, like it really is happening as you read. You could feel their fear, their sorrow, their anger, strength, love, passion and all the feelings in the world.

Sometimes when you're not reading it, you could picture any event from it. You could relive it in your own world, sink into your own thoughts.

Sometimes when you suddenly remembered any particular event in it, you'd wonder where the vision come from. It is the very vision that you've imagined as you were reading the novel.

The feeling of wanting to step into that world again is intriguing. It's like an interesting world that you've created yourself. It's powerful. Like you want to be in it forever. That's how people could not stop reading.

The fact is, those are just imaginations; a world full of magical and fairytale which could not possibly happen in the real world.

Actually, I'm having the time of my life.

Another time is almost impossible

2011-01-24T21:46:00.003+08:00

I skipped an activity sponsored by the college which I could get a certificate and a coupon. Instead, I went out with them and went ice skating! Thanks for my lack of exercise, I couldn't skate for hours. So 2 hours was enough for me even though the price was high. But the price was worth it. (I'm in money dilemma mind you).

I love you guys. Parting with you guys was hard. After this, it's almost difficult to meet up again. But I think that is what makes our bond stronger, huh? Like, only meet up once in months. Well, we don't know what life is before us. Just cherish every second of our lives :)

Lovely roommates

2011-01-24T21:08:00.004+08:00

Not in the picture, Farah and Hanis.

I think it's really hard to find roommates like them. And we're like always together in any activity. Heck, mestila. People always start to be close specially from roommates, right? It's just, they're really different from my previous roommates. I couldn't ask for more.

I just hope they would want to be my roommates for the other semesters, just like I do :)

Building a new life

2011-01-20T11:53:00.006+08:00

...in a new state. (With Hajar here, my new friend and classmate :) )

I've been to Kuantan and now, Shah Alam. Merantau woo! Shah Alam je pun.

Basically, I got a MARA scholarship for CAT-ACCA fast track programme in UiTM. Interesting, but you gotta be able to keep up. Like most of any other students, I'm really nervous about T5. But like hajah said, you gotta focus on your strength and always think positive. How in the world did I get the scholarship if they didn't see my potential. So actually everyone has their own potential. You just gotta believe it. I can do this, insyaAllah.

The best thing is here, I get to know how to travel around here by bus. It would make me easier to go about.

Roommates are cool. I think it's hard to have roommates like them.

Classmates, although soooo eerily quite on the first week, we've managed to mingle around. And our class rep is interestingly outspoken.

The room I got is awesomeness. I just love it here. And I shouldn't be thinking about going home that much. I mean, life in university is once in a life time, too! Gotta keep that in mind.

Life is

2011-01-08T02:49:00.002+08:00

I realised that I should not be afraid of entering early. 10th of January would just be another ordinary day. And days, we should live meaningfully. Not mourning about it.

I remembered, telling my bestie in Kuantan, that I would never want to live my days there, mourning about my suffocation. That if I ever get to that point where I talk about it, I wanted her to change to subject abruptly.

I was afraid I would mourn about it throughout the year. For I fear that in the future, when I look back on 2010, I would regret it my whole life, like, 'Why the heck did I even care to think about him? It was useless.' It would mean I have wasted my time there.

Nonetheless, it was a suffering that I had to bear. I needed distraction. Assignments kept me packed. Thankfully I succeeded in avoiding mourning about it.

So when I look back on 2010, I am highly grateful for everything that has happened. I rocked the world I lived in. I lived it just the way I wanted it to be. Because 'you are who you think you are'.

Plainly, life is more than just... him.

Cook Book #3

2011-01-05T16:21:00.006+08:00

*edited

I name it, Pizza. My mother's very own recipe. Maybe. It's highly luscious.

Things you need:

A loaf of bread (two for a pizza) - I use Gardenia.
Tomato puree
Planta/Dorina - any margarine
Cheese - macam slice of cheese tu.
Mixed vegetables / capcicum
Sausage
Oven
Pizza & Pasta seasoning

Let's get it started.

Ambil dua roti. Untuk setiap roti, hanya one side of it yang kita sapu dorina. Repeat untuk roti-roti yang lain.
Lekatkan belah yang disapu dorina dengan menekan tengah tengah roti tu, jangan kacau tepi dia. Proses menekan ni boleh guna jari atau sudu. Tekan untuk bahagian atas je, untuk tabur ingredients dia.
Sapu 1 sudu kecil pati tomato atas bahagian tadi tu. Ratakan sampai penuh bahagian atas tu.
Cut the sausage into half. And potong slice by slice. The half of sausage is for one pizza.
Arrange slices of sausage on the bread.
Tabur mixed vegetables on the bread. Bagi dia equally distributed la atas roti tu.
Cheese tu cut into half jugak. Nak potong tu jangan bukak plastic dia kat bawah. Nanti susah pulak kalau cheese melekat atas cutting board.
The half slice of the cheese tu untuk satu pizza. Then cut it to stripes of cheese.
Arrange the stripes on the pizza.

Put them in oven for 10 minutes.
Kalau dah nampak cheese tu melt, and lawa, switch off oven.
Sprinkle some pizza & pasta seasoning on the pizzas.
Makan!

Well, I forgot to take a picture of it! And some of the items too. Maybe tomorrow I'll show you how they look like.

Oh, please don't mind the mixed language.

I did it with my Atul and Ainaa. They thought capcicum was better than mixed vege, which is so true. They taste better.

Before

After
You can feel the cheese melt in your mouth. So delicious.

Geez, I smell like a pizza.

Bball!

2011-01-04T10:37:00.002+08:00

Missing it badly. And that guy too. Haha.

Man, I miss playing it with my mates in Kuantan! It's just so fun, you just shoot some hoops. Sometimes we had random matches almost every evening with a group of random people among our batch. Fun and stress-releasing. Oh, the old days.

Early registration

2011-01-03T23:51:00.024+08:00

Around 3pm, I got a call from MARA and they told me the good news - I got the scholarship! Alhamdulillah. But actually, the coward part of me is scared to go. She even thought of chickening out from this.

What I actually afraid of?

I despise the fact that I have to attend the class early, earlier than my friends, while they are having such leisure time at home.
I'm scared to live in a new enviroment. Geez, that sounds like a total spoiled brat. You're turning 18 in two months, Erin! Grow up! So I had a vision that shows me I am crying when my parents are going to leave me. What an embarrassment. I just don't like to start over. New friends, new roommates, new subjects, etc.
Competitions and struggling for success. I never liked it. I even thought, just drop it all, the educations, and get myself a husband. Do the chores, look out for the kids, just stay at home waiting for your hubby to come home. And I would tell my kids, 'Oh, mummy met your dad whom I love so much and wanted to live near him, so I decided to stop. Love can be so powerful, honey.'
To wake up early in the morning, going to classes. Geez.
Having no friends. I think I'm the kind of person who goes about alone, not socializing with people. A person like me is hard to have a friend. Friends like in my previous schools, would I ever meet persons like them? Of course not, erin. People are different. It's just somehow difficult for me to blend in. Perhaps I don't need to be. Just be myself!

The mom part, I know its consequences. It's also challenging. Perhaps way challenging than further my studies. If I turn it down, I would lose the once in a lifetime oppurtunity of MARA's scholarship. I would be blacklisted from getting it, even for SPM. So, if I get shuck results for SPM, my future? Poof. Gone. SPM results has been crawling in me after every single paper. Every day was agony.

What do I want, actually? I always wonder on that. Do I really want to be around accounting thingy? Because, going to this university sure leads me to that area.

Is there any other things in my mind that I want to be? None. Except being a mom *cough*. Okay. Seriously, I really don't like other subjects other than around accountancy. (That's the mannered way to say I HATE THEM).

If only accountancy that runs vividly in my mind, why doubt? Oh, the struggles. You just want to give up everything, and be a mom. What? That's so chicken, man!

The thing is, I have never loved other subjects in a way that I love accountancy. Yet, when sitting for the account paper, I thought, Am I kidding myself? I can't even do this!

Maybe all of this put down to.... homesick. Being the last daughter of my parents, the homesick is stronger. I could imagine myself crying there. Wth.

On a greener side, I would get bachelor's degree (I think) in just short time. That's just amazing. When I am about to end my bachelor's degree , my friends are still with it. When I end bachelor's degree early, I could marry early! Okay, what's up with me and marriage? Am I so desperate? Or do I just want to end my studies? No way. I want to be pregnant and at the same time studying. MATHS. Then my kids will be genius. HAHA. Whatever, that's beyond me.

Geez, my pessimism is vastly longer than my optimism.

You make me smile

2011-01-01T00:33:00.003+08:00

The great moments when,
you texted me almost every night just to say good luck and good night;
you topup-ed just because you wanted to text me;
you stared at me from far, and later called out my name;
I saw you preparing a stool for me to sit. How could I not resist?;
you praised me wearing the robe;
you came to me randomly, just to ask a question;
you just stopped playing BB for a while just to talk to me;
we were walking together, having a chat, after the night prep.
So on and so forth. It's unlistable.
And all of 'em happened during the SPM examination. Wicked.

Whatever you did, you just made me smile. Even when I was in the exam hall, writing down the answers. So incredible. See how powerful your affect was to me?

Stars Night Out!

2010-12-30T21:16:00.036+08:00

a.k.a SAB Prom Night 2010
Lucky number 017 and named as YUNA. Ye lah, theme dia pun about living one night as celebrities. Please don't mind the picture. Macam fake gila. Haha.

Meeting my SABian friends was so wonderful - especially Natasha Zulkifli. Girl, it's so hard to get updated about you! It has been so long, and there was definitely no other way and time to meet like this again - taking into account that it happened at the really end of the year.

Dah la malam tu MALAYSIA menang lawan bola. I really love the fact that people now are very proud to say out our country's name.

So, about the prom, I love the lightings. Colourful and beautiful patterns shone the ballroom. Yang paling best, lighting masa dancing, which was the blinking white lighting that made the world seemed slowing down. That made me reminisce the day in the scream park in Sunway Lagoon. Very similiar but scary.

Musics were fantastic! The mashed up remixes were the bomb. We spent like an hour dancing our heads off with the great shake-it beat. Haha. Stopping before the time was up, was not an option. Just kept dancing! And, well, so much into living in my own world, I just knew some of the musics that were played. So when people were shouting out some words, I just played along. What the heck, right?

Invited band, Hayad, was really awesome. They were crowd-friendly, and the vocalists sounded really great. Not to forget, good looking! Loves!

The food! Dayumm they were really delicious and mouth-watering. I like the sarcastic EMCEEs, telling us not to be afraid to eat as much as we could. Heck, of course we would be. Or else it would ruin the beauty on wearing the dress! But I didn't care anyway, because my dress was a lil' loose. Sayang I didn't have the chance to try the dessert. Well, many of us didn't. And the punch, was nice.

I could go on and on talking about how great the prom was. It was just so wonderful. I'm glad I was there :)

Confused

2010-12-30T15:56:00.094+08:00

Okay, I had fun dancing. But I could care less to check out handsome or cute guys. Perhaps because I held to my own saying - which I said out loud to Atul - which is, 'Diorang handsome gila, tapi you need to step on reality. Memang takkan dapat ah.' She could not agree more.

So, I malas nak amek gambar dengan guys, or even the girls yang I tak kamcing. Sangat tak sosial. Tapi I tak kesah. Sebab malas nak try to get back to that kind of surrounding. And itu baru sikit. What if kalau kat University? Lagi teruk. Lagi maybe I boleh influenced. Sebab I gila menari macam party girl malam tadi. Tapi I tak go to guys or whatever.

Since I read the malaysia's goalkeeper's girlfriend's story about how they met, it kept me thinking about him. One thing which is the same is, he wants to hear my voice, like he really misses me. He thought it's love. But I'm afraid of that. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I'm not about to take the risk. Or maybe I'm too choosy, if you could see it. Because in my list of the kind of guy I want, is higher IQ than me. I think I want other guy. That I have never met. That I have never talked to. You know, marrying a guy without knowing who exactly he is. But your parents do. Yes，I'm thinking way too far. But that's the fact. I don't want it now. Except if you really want to marry me.

Having a guy telling me I'm cute, I'm pretty, is the thing that I want, every girl wants. I know this coz when I read comments on a guy telling his girlfriend that she is beautiful, I got jealous. Because I want to be treated like that too. Reading comments on a guy telling how lucky he is to have the girl, I got jealous. Because I want to be treated like that too.

He did those to me. I loved it. I loved the feeling. But then, since I'm like keeping the distance between us, he does less. And I miss him.

You know, I'm like so hypocrite. I talk about religious stuff on relationships, but the thing is, I sometimes don't care about other things. So why do I care so much on religious relationships? I think it's a coward move. Sigh. So, do I want us to be more than friends? I think I'm not being myself when I talk to him. Like I don't want us to go further, like I'm afraid. I could be myself when I talk to him. I could be crazy, act crazy, laugh out loud and whatever. Just see how he react on it. If he doesn't accept the way you truly are, Erin, then he should not like you. Then, it means the girl in his fantasies actually not you. But if vice versa, then actually I'm lucky to have him. I think he has seen me being crazy. Especially on that basketball court. So? What's up? I'm not sure.

I'm so totally happy for Madihah. I liked Ooi Thong's saying, 'Dia suka kau doe.' And how they actually started to talk to each other. It's sweet. And a guy would never want to just hang out with a girl, before the girl goes overseas. Seriously. He has shown Madihah too many signs. And they should go on with it. If they want to go further, they should too. But as friends, they rock the world. No shy cat or control control ke. Best sangat!

What's up with me?

Oh and by the way, I actually hate Fa Z's saying, 'Budak MRSM jadi camni en? :)' she said sarcastically while dancing. Yeah actually it always occured to me about that. I always thought, kalau aku menari gila-gila, mesti nanti orang cam terkejut, sebab aku ni budak MRSM. Pastu tak berubah pun jadi baik. Ok at least I think I've changed to a better person. I know I do.

Tapi macam Tasha, she doesn't change a lil bit on how she looks. She looked beautiful, but it's not how MRSMers should look like. You bring the name of MARA, so you should jaga that name. I was disappointed to see her like that. But I could not say that because I also had this devil intuitions to dance wild.

When Fa Zu said that, I was actually ashamed of myself. Those people, I'm sure they were shocked to see me like that. I hate the fact that Fa Zu said that. I hate the fact that it's true.

Nonetheless, I won't care on that. Coz my life is better this way, insyaAllah. I love it and living it. Dancing that night? It was actually like once in my lifetime, with my FRIENDS whom I know lke five years already. To dance together, without having them not caring what I do. Because they would know the kind of person I actually am. Rather than university friends whom I would just met for how many days?

In conclusion of what she said, I don't care. Coz you know who I am :)

Natural feeling

2010-12-22T20:23:00.057+08:00

When the song Mine, by Taylor Swift was played on the radio, I was starstruck. I don't know what that song wholly means. But to me, to my own dictionary of life, it is about a girl, that is very grateful to have had a guy that makes her life so wonderful in the past five years. Although she couldn't have him, she still cherishes him.

No kidding. Although this current guy has made me feel loved, I still can't forget that guy in between times. Ainaa was right, that of course most guys would just play you at this age. But behind all those, when I told Ainaa, I've seen his good side, soft spots. Ainaa was right that, in the future, he'll be a good guy.

I could see that. He has shown his faithfulness to the girl. And that sometimes kills me. Like I'm really pissed off because of their relationship. Like I hoped I was in the girl's shoes. And I still have this picture, where he would go to me someday, after having a terrible break up with the girl. And like, I'm the best friend that you should have gone to.

Bertuah tak dia dapat kau? Bagi aku, dia sangat bertuah. 'Kadang-kadang aku rasa tak bertuah bila tengok hot chicks,' kau kata. So what? Ko still faithful kat dia. Aku nampak itu. But that's the thing that I wouldn't get, would I? No.

Maybe ni masih lagi permainan hati. Coz after we hung out, the feeling came again. You're still in my mind, coz we hung out. Coz you still text me in IM. And you fooled me when you escorted me half way home, which actually didn't mean anything to you. But of course, why should I say something when I don't want anything? Come to think of it, I could tell that I have liked you, that you were right, when you said I liked you. And after that I could say just telling what has been bottling up inside. I wouldn't expect you to say anything. But then, it'd be more awkward to ask me to lepak sama-sama. Sigh. What a drama. If you don't say anything, erin, the drama's off. So just let it be.

I just can't lie. He still gives me this deep admiration to him. Would I ever forget you? Yes, erin. It's not possible. Distance will make you grow less fond of him. It's for the better. Whatever you know. Sometimes I hoped that we are going to be in the same university. Crazy, right? But whatever it is, kalau ada jodoh, kita jumpala lagi. Kalau ada. Kalau takde, Allah dah tentukan orang yang lagi baik. Seeing this current guy liking me, I think I will get someone like him, and better, insyaAllah. And that you should continue what you have learnt in school. The boundaries and all. InsyaAllah. I want the perfect love. The almost perfect ones, will follow up. InsyaAllah.

Kontest Blog Terkemas

2010-12-18T09:12:00.003+08:00

Syarat-syarat sah :

Follow blog Hana and Fyza. Tak follow pun takpe but make sure korang selalu update dengan blog dorang okay :)
Make sure korang ada blog. No blog. No contest. No PRESENT! haha
Buat satu entry dengan tajuk Kontest Blog Terkemas. Amek banner tu sekali and make sure terus link kan ke blog Hana atau link entry kontest ni
Bila dah buat, bagi link entry korang dekat ruangan komen Hana. Submit link entry dekat blog Hana je tau. Senang sikit. Kang tercicir habis kena pelengkung ngn korang. Haha
Kontest ni terbuka kepada semua warganegara tak kira umur dan jantina
Tag 3orang blogger ok :)
3orang pemenang je akan dipilih. Kalau nak tambah nanti dorang bagitau. Haha
Update : Sebab takut ramai sangat, limit untuk join 1000 orang sahaja. Kalau nak tambah nanti Hana bagitau :)

TARIKH TAMAT : 1FEBRUARY2011

Tag, you're it !

Madihah
Jaja
Adli - laki bole tak? Haha

Cook Book #2

2010-12-17T13:42:00.032+08:00

Another rules that I found imporant.

Lepas masak, Sejukkan badan > mandi > makan.
Kalau tak mandi, busuk gila doe, serius.
Sukatan guna instinct.
Nak memasak ni tak payah sukat-sukat. Macam berapa gram, berapa sudu. Tamsilnya, berapa camca garam? Oh tidaakkk. Tu semua dibubuh secara natural. Yang tu la yang saya tengah belajar ni. Cara nak bajet sukatan.

Hari ni, saya belajar masak ikan goreng dan sayur kangkung. Simple je.

Untuk ikan goreng,

Letak ikan-ikan dalam besen, bubuh garam secukup rasa, dan kunyit. Gaul-gaul bagi kunyit and garam tu rata. Ingat! Guna tangan kanan je, jangan guna dua-dua ataupun tangan kiri. JIJIK. Ok.
Biasala nak goreng ikan ni, bagi minyak banyak sampai ikan bole err, direndam dalam minyak tu. Tunggu sampai ikan garing, tengok-tengokla kaler dia camne. Pastu try gaul-gaul kee. Sendiri boleh agak ikan tu dah garing ke tak. Just follow your instinct.
Dah agak garing, keluarkanla dari kuali. It's time to put in cut onion and cili api. Cam biasa nak tumis ni nisbah 2:1. Hari ni baru saya tawu, cili api tu sukatannya bajet satu sudu besar RATA. Tumis sampai garing! Hari ni aku tak tahu kenapa, mungkin sebab aku selsema kot, sebab aku tak bersin pun. Aiyok.
*Tapi anda anda ni perlu tahu, bersin tu sebenarnya bukan perkara wajib. Ni semua instinct semata-mata. Gunala kehebatan senses anda - hidung, mata, telinga, dan sebagainya.
Bila dah rasa-rasa garing (tumis tu), masukkan je ikan-ikan tadi ke dalam kuali. Gaul bagi sama rata.
Tutup api, sedia untuk dihidang.

Senang kann? And benda dan cara yang sama je mak aku guna. Tapi sedap beb!

Masakan sayur kangkung.

Panaskan minyak yang sikit. Masukkan bawang yang telah dipotong kecil-kecil, dan juga ikan bilis.
Garam dimasukkan dengan jumlah yang secukup rasa. Gaul gaul bagi rata.
Tunggu garing. (Sekali lagik).
Sementara tu, atau sebelum tu, boleh la patah-patahkan dan cerai-ceraikan daun dan batang kangkung. Tak payah guna pisau. Kita guna kekuatan jari-jemari. Kecualila nak potong hujung batang tu, yang tak elok tu.
Bila dah garing *yawn* (bosan aku, asek benda yang sama), masukkan sayur kangkung tu.
Gaul bagi rata.
Dah nampak kena air, layu sikit je, tutup api. Hidang.

Setiap hari mak masak simple. Macam simplenya sayang saya pada mak. Saya sayang mak. Simple en? Ok pape je lah.
Tapi sebelum ni ada je dia masak western food. Time tu err, saya tak dapat ilham lagi. Jadi, terlepaslahh. Takpe. InsyaAllah masih ada lain masa.

Oh ya, aku ni taklah pro mana untuk menamakan makanan. Tanya mak aku pun, dia tergelak BAHAHHAHAHA. Sebab takde nama. Hantam je. Tup tup, jadi, voila!

I'm wondering, bila la mak nak masak spesel lagi. Haish.

Okay till the next cook!

Cook Book #1

2010-12-16T16:50:00.027+08:00

Starting from today, I am going to talk about my experience in cooking, insyaAllah. This way, I would make myself go to the kitchen and just cook. I am learning from the pro, bebeh!

Okay, so far. There are some rules. Rules of mine, according to the sequences of my exprience.

Jangan gosok mata semasa atau selepas mengupas bawang. Walaupun dah basuh tangan dengan sabun, jangan gosok gak! Sampai la pedih tu hilang. Otherwise, just embrace the agony. Lagi elok.
Pucuk paku. Nak masak pucuk paku, kenala amek daun dia je. Tapi cubala patah-patahkan batang dia. Kalau lembut batang dia, dan boleh dipatahkan, masukkan sekali untuk dimasak.

Haaa alang-alang aku cerita je la pasal nak buat lauk pucuk paku ni. Sedap beb.

First, kita goreng ikan bilis dulu. Takyah letak apa-apa. Just ikan bilis. Bila tengok kaler dia lawa, masukkan ke dalam pinggan, tapi aku panggil mangkuk.
Then, masukkan pucuk paku pulak. Jangan banyak sangat minyak. Masak pucuk paku ni sampai dia layu sikit je. So kena tengok ah, jangan tinggal lama-lama, kang mati pulak pucuk paku tu. Dah habis masak tu, masukkan ke dalam mangkuk tadi.
Dalam kuali yang sama dan minyak yang sikit, tumis pulak bawang (yang dah dikisar ataupun dipotong kecik-kecik). Kalau saya la kan, saya lagi suka kisar. Senang dikunyah. Haa ye. Pastu masukkan sekali satu sudu kecik cili api. Nisbah bawang kepada cili api adalah 2:1 ye. Kalau nak kurang pedas, nisbahnya 3:1. Haa tu untuk orang tak tahan pedas. Masukkan jugak garam secukup rasa.
Tumis ni kena selalu dikacau untuk nak bagi sama rata. Pastikan tumis ni garing. Macam mana nak tahu dah garing ke tak? Sampai anda mengeluarkan bunyi, 'Atchoo!'. Kalau tak paham, bunyi tu bunyi bersin. Kalaula tak bersin langsung, saya tak tahu la apa masalah dengan hidung anda. Pegi jumpa doktor ye.
Lepas tumis tu dah garing, tanpa tutup api, masukkan je pucuk paku dan ikan bilis ke dalam kuali. Gaul dan gaul dan gaul sampai rata. Rasa - rasala sikit, sedap ke tak. Kalau macam tak cukup garam, tambah lagi sikit.
Padam api, dan sedia untuk dihidang.

Haaa senang kan? Aku ni tulis kemain lagi. Padahal tolong mak gaul gaul je. Bila nak cuba? Aku tak pasti. Tengoklah nanti, kalau kalau this 'cook book' come in handy, dan bila dapat hidayah memasak ^^

So, this is the first time I do this. If my explanations are boring, then it's okay. Ni untuk aku senang nak rujuk. Aku ni malas menulis. Sekarang ni lepas habis SPM, nak menulis pun kekok, macam budak baru belajar nak menulis. Jadi, apa salahnya guna teknologi yang ada?

Oraitt till the next cook! Toodles :)

Freed

2010-12-12T20:46:00.004+08:00

You freed me from the dreadful cage.
And now I can fly blissfully in your presence :)
Out of sight, but never out of mind.

SiRMa 09/10

2010-11-18T08:32:00.008+08:00

Credits to Din

We didn't create the magazine, we only worked as assistants. I feel like we didn't contribute much, like we didn't last year. Apparently it seemed as if it was YOUR batch's magazine. But the last days before school ended, I got the chance to see how you guys work. It was hectic, as I see it. At least... I got a lil' bit real editorial board experience being around you guys. Hee :)

The last moments spent, were amazingly haywire <3
THANKS A BUNCH GUYS!

Dance shock

2010-11-15T18:09:00.018+08:00

A junior thought I went clubbing. They were like,

bila kak erin belajar menari a?
Sexy gila kak erin menari.
I didn't know you were that smooth.
Kiterang enjoy gila.

Peers...

Aku sampai menari-nari skali kat tepi ni.
Ish Miley Cyrus Malaysia niii

Though frankly I ain't that good, I'm just flattered :) You guys cheering made me go more boom boom pow. The dance was the way for me to give it all I've been keeping inside my soul. Basically a big thanks to the crowd. You just made my last days so freakin' awesome. Love ya'll! :D

A'an Mior

2010-11-13T15:19:00.006+08:00

Days with you in Kuantan. I had a blast, girl!

Inside, who knew?

2010-10-22T04:46:00.070+08:00

Every one has their own beauty that attracts certain person.
Apparently I am not to you.

The heart aches, but at the same time it embraces your presences.
Because there is nothing else that can be done.
Because time's running out, it's the only reason.

My bestfriend seemed happier. In fact prettier.
She has grown up. What's the feeling inside? Jealousy?
Of her purdiness? Or of her joyous life?

What's also the feeling inside when knowing your own sister,
tying the knot with a handsome man?

Watching people dressing up prettily,
makes you jealous.
Watching people dance the moves that you should've learnt,
makes you jealous.

It's the matter of the boundaries, girl.
Hold yourself from trying to be those.
You know what's right and wrong. Taqwa. Ittaqullah.

Practice what you've learnt.
The effort doesn't end till you get what you want.

Jodoh...
Pada tangan Allah.
Mungkin aku sedang mempersoalkan nikmat Allah.
Sesungguhnya sebenarnya aku sudah pun sempurna.
Dan sempuran itu merupakan kecantikan seorang insan.

Namun, aku seperti tidak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada pada diriku.
Tiada peminat membuatkan aku berasa begitu.
Dalam keluarganku, padaku, akulah paling kurang kecantikannya.
Yang mana kecantikan dalam konteks ini bermaksud kecantikan luaran yang selalu diuar-uarkan oleh manusia kini.

Aku cemburu. Cemburu pada insan yang si dia amat sayangi.
Aku sering membandingkan diriku dengan insan itu.
Aku cuba menipu diriku bahawa diriku kelihatan lebih anggun daripadanya.
Dalam kamus manusia kini, insan itu sebenarnya lebih menyerlah daripadaku.
Tidak dapat dinafikan. Sifat-sifatnya juga mampu menambat hati seorang jejaka.
Sifat-sifatnya juga mampu menceriakan hari-hari sahabat wanita.

Berbanding diriku ini yang dilabelkan sebagai lelaki.
Sifat feminin jarang-jarang ada pada diriku.
Aku memandang enteng akan penglabelan itu.
Kerana kufikir, aku seperti kakakku.
Kakakku yang agak lasak pada dalamannya.
Tetapi luarannya sangat menarik perhatian.

Aku harus pijak di bumi yang nyata.
Aku bukan kakakku.
Memang tiada siapa pun yang menunjukkan kesukaannya kepadaku.
Memang benar itu terjadi kerana sifat lasakku.

Ibuku tidak ingin perkara yang sama terjadi padaku.
Tidak ingin aku menjijit pelamin pada usia yang tua, bagi seorang gadis sunti.
Oleh itu ibuku menggalakkan aku mempunyai seorang kekasih hati.
Supaya rasa keseorangan tidak melanjut sampai ke tua.
Lagipun, ibuku sudah meningkat tua.
Aku juga takut jikalau apa-apa terjadi.
Bukannya kupinta, tetapi itu lumrah manusia.

Ada kalanya aku berasa amat sedih kerana tidak mendapat kasih sayangnya.
Sekolah yang sama, kelas yang sama.
Manakan tidak aku meletakkan harapan yang tinggi padanya?

Dia sudah pun temui insan yang mampu mencuri hatinya.
Sahabat rapatnya telah memastikan itu.
Tetapi aku kurang yakin. Sikapnya yang tidak serius menimbulkan keraguan.
Tetapi, sudah berkali-kali dia berkata kepadaku,
tidak pernah dia menemui gadis yang mampu tertambat di hatinya sehingga saat itu.
Kadang-kala aku percaya kata-katanya itu. Seperti hatinya yang bersuara.
Aku percaya. Dalam hati kedua-duanya, sedang membunga.
Cemburuku kata kerana mereka hanyalah remaja yang menghidapi jiwa yang bergelora.

Kadang-kala juga aku percaya mereka benar inginkan satu sama lain.
Cuma masa tidak mengizikan. Persekitaran tidak membenarkan.
Mereka menunggu masa.
Walaupun insan itu tidak mengisytiharkan sayangnya,
tetapi sayangnya itu masih terserlah pada lirik wajahnya.

Aku ada berharap bahawa mereka akan berkekalan.
Cemburuku mengatakan hubungan mereka tidak mampu sampai ke langit ke-7.

Mungkin aku ingin hubungan mereka diisytiharkan sendiri,
kerana aku tidak mampu menanggung perasaan sedih ini lagi.
Mungkin jika diberitahu kebenaran itu, aku boleh mengundurkan diri.
Aku boleh berhenti berharap.
Ketidakpastian hubungan mereka membuatkan aku menanam,
walau sebutir harapan padanya.

Mungkin aku kata aku hanya ingin bergembira dengannya,
mempedulikan perasaannya, bergembira dengannya sudah memadai.
Tetapi kadang-kala aku merasakan itu dusta. Kadang-kala.
Disebabkan masa yang singkat, dan tiada apa yang aku boleh buat,
dusta itulah yang harus kulaksanakan.
Itu bukan nifak. Tetapi itu untuk kebaikan diriku, dan semua insan yang berada di sisiku.

Sahabat-sahabatku tidak ingin melihatku sedih.
Siapa pun yang akan mendekatiku jika aku hanya murung sepanjang masa?
Allah itu setiasa berada di sisi hamba-Nya.
Hanya menunggu kata-kata pertolongan dari hamba-Nya.
La Takrabu Zina.
Mungkin itu juga alasan aku mendustakan perasaanku.

Ini bukan masanya.
Apa yang perlu kulakukan adalah taqwa.
Dan serahkan segalanya kepada Allah.
Tampilkan diriku kepada dunia, personaliti yang terbaik.
Kerana untuk mencari jodoh juga perlu ada usaha.

Aku juga pernah terfikir, tidak mengapa jika aku bersifat lasak pada saat ini.
Kerana usia remaja tidak dapat dikembalikan. Masa terus berjalan.
Sebab itu jugalah aku harus terus mengorak langkah ke hadapan.

Akan kuusaha untuk tampil dengan sifat feminin.
Kerana usia 18 tahun sudah pun dewasa bagiku.
Lojik jika aku ingin menanamkan sifat feminin itu.
Kerana selama ini, sekolah menengah hanyalah tempat aku menjadi kanak-kanak.
Kerana itu tidak akan dapat dikembalikan kelak.

Aku sebenarnya punyai kecantikan luaran.
Yang hanya kadang-kala sahaja terserlah.
Bukanlah acap kali.
Mungkin sifat lasakku menutupi kecantikan itu.

Aku juga sebenarnya punyai kepercayaan bahawa aku akan dilamar.
Dilamar oleh seorang insan yang menyayangiku.
Tetapi kecantikan wajahnya, sering diperkotak-katikkan.
Adakah aku akan menikahi jejaka yang tampan, yang biasa, ataupun yang kurang tampannya?
Adakah insan itu akan seperti si dia?
Yang itu, aku risau.

Melihatkan di dunia moden ini, yang tampan pasti bersama yang jelita.
Yang jelita pasti bersama yang tampan.
Yang itu, aku risau.

Tetapi jika aku meniliti, aku terlalu mempunyai persamaan dengan dia.
Kegilaan, ketidakseriusan.
Aku sudah jelas, sepasang suami isteri tidak selalunya sama sifat-sifatnya.
Jadi, mungkin itu sebabnya aku redha.

Pokoknya, aku sebenarnya mempersoalkan kesan kecantikanku kepada hidupku.
Bukanlah sebab lain. Itu benar. Kerana aku gagal mencuri hati walau seorang pun di sana.
Namun persoalan ini amat berbahaya.
Amat berbahaya sehingga bole memesongkan hatiku dari menuju ke jalan Allah.
Seperti orang kafir. Orang kafir yang kufur nikmat.

Namun...
Apabila aku memperhiaskan diriku dengan jubah,
sering aku dilihat amat feminin.
"Bila nak cari shrek?" Pernah ditujukan kepadaku.
Jejaka yang tampan dan tegap juga, acah-acah mendekati diriku,
kerana tubuhku yang ramping.
Tidakkah itu menunjukkan aku hanya mempunyai tubuh yang lawa,
tetapi bukan pada wajah?
Tetapi hati aku berkata aku kelihatan comel walaupun dengan mengenakan tudung itu.
Ditambah lagi dengan baju itu, terserlahlah kecantikan itu.
Tetapi hanya pada saat itu. Hanya pada saat itu.

Lojik ada kata, persoalan ini selalunya timbul pada seorang remaja.
Remaja ingin disukai dan disayangi. Itu tidak boleh dielakkan.
Apa yang harus kulakukan, hanyalah menahan.
Lojik juga mengatakan itu hanyalah nafsu semata-mata.
Sedangkan kau tahu kau akan memperoleh seorang jejaka yang istimewa bagimu.

Mungkin wajah yang tampan hanya akan dipersoalkan sewaktu aku pada usia ini.
Mungkin pada hari kelak, wajah tidak menjadi masalah.
Kata umum, cinta itu membutakan.
Jadi, aku tidak seharusnya resah.

Namun memandangkan harapan masih tertambat di hati,
katakan sahaja kepadanya dan pada dirimu jua,
"Jikalau ada jodoh, kita jumpa lagi."

Pasti insan-insan yang membaca ini tidak percaya, apa yang kuluahkan.
Mereka pasti fikir hatiku tidak ke arah ini, tidak lembut.
Tetapi di dalam, siapa yang tahu?

5A 09/10

2010-10-22T04:01:00.011+08:00

Photographer: Meroux

DSLR: Nina

Sure, there are likes and dislikes. But those are a part and parcel of life. Adapting to each other is how we've bonded. Facing the critics has made us grow fonder.

Plainly,
The deepest affect in my life
The best classmates I've ever had
The strongest bond I've ever made

The best that I could not ask for more

Kejelekitan terserlah

Hawa

2010-09-06T22:26:00.006+08:00

When your class located just the opposite of Musolla and you happened to sit facing it...

Situation #1
"Siapa baca quran tu weh?"
"Mana? Mana? Usha sikitt."

Situation #2
"Tadi aku ternampak @&#($* solat ohh."
"Ye ke? Rajinnya!"

"Wanita memang tertarik dengan penghuni surau." - Kak Nab.

Anything religious that an Adam does in musolla, is just attractive to the Eves.

Ayah doesn't mind

2010-07-31T13:23:00.004+08:00

Buying new sports shoes monthly does not trouble him. To him, I could get the chance to wear various new designs, for rather affordable price. Ain't that cool? :D But still, I hope this brand new pair of sports shoes will last longer than others.

New love

2010-07-30T21:51:00.005+08:00

I've no idea when how I was attracted to basketball.
It's just plain fun! The sound that the net makes just add the extra toppings.

What's more, there's going to be an Inter-batch Basketball competition.
I'm so excited! Can't wait :D

Disfigured boy

2010-06-20T10:14:00.007+08:00

Ja'i, don't take that white thing off, I wanna see it. Wahah.
Ko memang bertuah dapat cuti. Aq jeles.
Tapi camne ko nak study? Kalau ko nakla haha.
Get well soon, buddy.

Heading off to the battlefield.

#1

2010-06-18T23:59:00.008+08:00

Girls, you'll always be at the most top ranking, don't worry.

I never want it to change. If it's not mum, I could always count on you.

You're right. I'm going to have to go through the maze. I cannot get out. The game is a part of me. I'm gambling on this. In or out, the risk is the same. Thorns or holes, I'll get through them imperviously. And I almost forgot my new year resolution, make the best out of everything.
Thank you for zillions.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
...you'll be a man!

p/s, Atul, thanks for the cupcakes. I am now FAT.

You Always

2010-06-18T20:11:00.009+08:00

I talk to him, I tell you.
I freak out when I see him, I tell you.
He's written in my diary, you are too.

Time passes by,
Dear diary knows countless new guys
They come and go
But what remains is you

Then I thought
I should stop writing

Yet every time I think of any guy
there's always a picture of you

When girls tell about their guys
can't help but think of you

Just play any song that exists
it must be something to do with you

Even if diary does not know
in my head is always you

For whatsoever reason,
I should just think of You, Allah.

Dream bedroom

2010-06-18T10:56:00.000+08:00

Nuna made me yearn for this.
The bedrooms are just sick. Spacious, simple and neat.
Not to forget, GREEN. :)

Really, you don't need to fill up the room if it's big.
Bolehla aku menari gila-gila dalam bilik.
Someday, erin. Someday.

Eating habit

2010-06-18T09:48:00.003+08:00

Life in the college has taught me to accept things as they are.
Plainly not everything can turn out your way.
Like main meals DS served? I just stuff ‘em into my stomach - tasty or not.

It's only a matter of surviving. But honestly, sometimes they taste good.

And that's why I always get the same remark, from different persons.

"Aku tengok Erin ni semangat betul makan. Tak kira ah pagi ke, malam ke.
Aku rasa biasa je makanan dia. Suka aku tengok kau makan.
Respect ar kat kau." - Various persons

And it never gets old.

Dazed

2010-06-18T01:21:00.007+08:00

Dreamt of him last night. And geez, he was good-looking. Fit shirt, really short-almost-bald hair, he just looked clean. I always preferred him a longer hair.

A dream can be anything you want it to be. But in this case, I don't know what in the world I was thinking, I should have make it sweeter, like all sweet dreams should be.

'Coz something I did in that dream made him leave me. I need a guidebook for controlling dreams.

No dirty thoughts now.

p/s, Dzaed la weh.

Falling-asleep syndrome

2010-06-17T23:35:00.006+08:00

My school holiday habit. Can't help it. It happens.

To even bring and touch those books? I had to.

Confession

2010-06-17T01:30:00.002+08:00

God, it's so hard to tell you, mum.
When will it be the right time? SIGH.

Reality..

2010-06-16T00:22:00.004+08:00

Tiba-tiba sahaja aku mengingati mereka iaitu sejak aku tiba di sini.
Aku tertanya-tanya di dalam hati
apakah yang sedang dibuat oleh mereka ketika ini?
Ah, perpisahan begini membuatkan hati merasa dekat,
padahal di dalam kelas bukan tidak sering antara kami
berselisih pendapat, bertengkar dan bermasam muka.

Barangkali sifat manusia memang begini,
hanya tahu menghargai sesuatu apabila sesuatu itu telah tiada
atau telah jauh daripada kita!

Masing-masing belajar berdikari dan merasakan sendiri
pahit dan manis hidup ini sebenarnya.

- Seteguh Karang

Ainaa, Atul.. I'm scared..

A delayed return

2010-06-10T16:04:00.007+08:00

When all the students all over the country were ecstatic about going home, we (Form 5's) were busy attending PGG - Program Gerak Gemilang - for eight, long days. At first I thought it was such a torment. But as time passed by, I was getting to love it and hoped it went longer. It was all plainly because home is not the place for me to stay too long. There are too many attractions! Dang it, I gotta keep reminding myself.

Staying in school ain't that bad. I had fun with my mates :D

By the way, I've never achieved 80+ for English. It's pathetic.

Reputation

2010-05-09T09:44:00.002+08:00

Erin, you cannot be ignorant with your upcoming results. There's still time.
You need to maintain your reputation. And live up to teachers' faith.

New crush

2010-05-09T02:09:00.008+08:00

Currently in love with Kurt Hugo. Since Thursday. Hahah!
He's soo handsome, like the younger version of Jason Mraz.

Too bad I'm going to leave him soon! For a month!
Don't know if there would still be an admiration for him. Hmmm.

All green

2010-05-08T21:05:00.005+08:00

New stuffs. Green sports shoes, green bottle, green towel. What else? I'm obsessed with green. That's why shopping gives me a hard time sometimes. Greens are just so limited.

p/s : I ate Nando's for dinner today. Now, how can I not be fat?

p.p/s : And some full-spoon of Secret Recipe's cake as what - my supper?!
Luckily I'm leaving home by tomorrow morning.

Study Of Life

2010-05-08T07:23:00.009+08:00

You never aroused me. My heart did not once welcome you. It was locked and only the chosen ones survived, with all my care.

I took a gamble by taking you as my tenth. Just for the sake of staying there. It was gut-wrenching.

Never did I care to put you high up in my chart. Never did I care to aim you for the moon when perhaps you could fall on the stars.

You were sickening me. Reading you lines by lines did not make any difference. It was to no avail.

Upon a critical level, I had to love you. So I tried. I poured out all the bad things about you. The gate of acceptance was hesitantly unlocked - I opened my heart for you.

It was indeed a wise thing to do. For I have loved you so dear, and craved to know you better. Slowly you were within my grasp.

I knew actually, that there would be one time where you would interest me. And you were faithfully waiting. It was just a matter of time.

But you should know, I will not let you lead my life. I will not gamble again for my future. I fear you.

You are interesting, you really are. But my heart. There is still a small portion deep in my heart that does not deserve you.

And you should know, I am not my sister.

Junkfood after junkfood

2010-05-07T19:00:00.008+08:00

Carl's Jr. for yesterday and Pizza for today. You're not home to gain FATS, Erin! Darn. Anyway, how could I refuse to accept free pizza?

The pizzas were actually for Syahbandar kawad. I stuffed in three slices of pizzas, and even brought home half of the whole pizza. There were too many extras. Alhamdulillah, rezeki. Bukan tak malu eh, Atul! :P

As you can see, I wore SAB ko-q t-shirt. So it made some of my peers there could not recognize me. Perhaps they just saw another SABian. I just blended in the crowd.

Some teachers gave me strange looks when they glanced at me and looked away. I kept on looking at them, just waiting for them to take another look.

And so they did, "Eh, you!"

That kind of notice made me flattered ;) I always won't miss the chance to visit SAB whenever I come home. And so I was labelled as a frequent visitor. Others didn't have the chance to do so. Well, it's really easy for me to visit my old school 'coz apparently it's a walking distance.

"Siap main tennis lagi," Afiq Danial said.

It's a bonus for me I guess. Anyways, what should I do with this fats?

4 days in Terengganu

2010-05-07T16:27:00.003+08:00

KEJORA Zon Timur

Regardless of missing too many lessons and my bad results in Standardized I, there was no turning back. There were three things that made me determined to go:

to visit Kuala Terengganu,
to know how it actually feels to represent a school,
and plainly just because I was the chosen one so I thought, if not me, who else?

Unfortunately...
I got back to Kuantan without contributing even one medal. PATHETIC -_- Honestly, I didn't expect to win anything. No proper training and the teachers could care less. It lead us to abandoned so-called athletes.

But what made it all worthwhile was when I did a 4x400m dash.

Best gila dapat potong dua orang masa dah 120m terakhir. Aku ingatkan diorang bertahan, atau nak lagi pecut. Rupanya dah pancit! HAHAH. Dengan senang nya aku membuka langkah and potong diorang. Diorang dah memang tak larat nak potong balik - terpaksa pasrah memberiku jalan. Bwahaha. Tapi aku hanya mampu memberi tempat ke-4. Sebab orang yang ketiga tu dah jauh sangat. Takkan la aku ni yang lari tah apa apa, nak pecut kejar dia kot? I know my limit, based on the trainings (tak training gila mana pun).

Aku rasala, yang aku lari relay 4x4 tu la yang paling laju pernah aku lari untuk 400m. Sebab aku bukak langkah all the way, siap potong dua orang lagik. Takde nak simpan simpan lagi tenaga. Memang all out, yang aku mampu. All out sebab tu la acara terakhir yang akan kubertanding masa tu. Malangnya aku tak tahu rekod aku berapa. Tapi tidak mengapa, kerana aku yakin bahawasanya aku telah buat yang terbaik untuk maktab dan untuk kepuasan diriku.

Perkara yang paling menarik duduk sana bila dapat makan keropok leko banyak-banyak apatah lagi bila bukan dari perbelanjaanku sendiri. Memanjang je orang belanja. Wahaha. Lagi satu bila dapat air MILO free. Memang balun 3-4 cawan la kan. Siapa tak nak air free? MILO pulak tu. Marvelous habis lah.

Oh oh, aku rasa itu yang kedua menarik. Perkara pertama yang menarik sekali bila aku dapat bergambar dengan sorang mamat ni. HAHAH. Hensem gila. Dia memang bertuah sangat. Dia patut bersyukur dapat appearance macam tu. Malangnya gambar tu ada kat member aku. Jadik, lain kali la aku tunjuk ya! (Kalau aku nak la).

p/s: Best la pulak blog dalam BM walaupun tak asli.

**More pictures to come soon. Well, for a month.

Bloated

2010-05-06T23:15:00.012+08:00

Abandoned

Like it's no use of having a blog when I don't update for more than a month. Actually I would not want to update my blog when I'm there. Just connecting to the internet is suicide enough. But if I didn't come home, there would be another month for abandoning this pity blog. Nonetheless, what's important is the present. So let's roll!

Pavillion
It turned out that I got there first. Fortunately his late arrival gave me the chance to survey the dresses - for after so long. The dresses were so lovely! Yet, going to Padini made me think of Atul. The blue and green checked dress reminded me of 'Ainaa. And the heart ached for missing the old days. That's the way it was meant to be. At that instant, I realized how boring it was not have someone to accompany me. I've always been alone in the college. Sob. Ja'i was guilty too for coming late.

And you made me wait further when you were checking things out -.- I was starving man!

Carl's Jr.

So at last, this was our main goal. For lunch. Precisely, our heavy branch. Because of Ja'i craving for Carl's Jr. and no want else to accompany him - pity youu, I did him a favour. Dude, you should thank me for this :P **Bukan nak belanja! Anyway, it was my first time.

The burger I ordered was so delicious! But after some bites, not even close to half, it felt like I've eaten the whole burger. FYI, we took more than half an hour to finish the burger. Longer for Ja'i anyways :P He seemed tormented when finishing the burger. HAHAH! His burger was very yummy but too big and fat that you have to open your mouth really widely. Well, that's what you get at higher price.

It was worth it for once in a long time. Note: Not to eat frequently. Coz there's plainly too much calories!

Later we made our way to Hang Tuah station. It was a new adventure and discovery for me. Baru nak kenal KL dengan mendalam xD Frankly, I didn't feel it was that far. Perhaps a companion could make me feel that way. And the fact that it was drizzling. Is it usual that it's raining in KL every evening lately? Yet the distance burnt some of our calories, like Ja'i said.

And so we parted to our own ways. Tak kesah pun. There's another more than six months seeing each other. Note that sarcasm.

Loss

2010-03-19T23:00:00.002+08:00

I hate it when, I know for sure that I didn't bring them out from home, and when I go searching for it, like every single place - hidden even, but still I found nothing. NOTHING. Where could it be? STOLEN? Who the heck want to steal my phone USB?! And it's in my room?! I am so sure there ain't no one breaking my house (alhamdulillah). I think this toyol stole my things. ARGH.

Not a good start

2010-03-19T21:34:00.003+08:00

Today began with a terrible painful stomach ache. If it happened at day, then I won't mind that much. Unfortunately, it stroked in the middle of the night, when I was having a wonderful dream! But on the bright side, my stomach has gone flat as it should be. Now I feel relieved. I thought I was gaining the flabby abs so quickly -.-

The day went on with finishing up assignments. In the evening, as usual, I hit the court, with dad and my brothers. I freaking suck on forehand. The size of my arm explains.

Oh, my tummy's grumbling. I better stuff in something now.

Prep

2010-03-18T22:13:00.004+08:00

Random things happened today. Prep at SAB. Lowyat. Meeting your schoolmate. More randomness. Nothing was planned. Perhaps I felt secure being around my best buds. Like I knew nothing was going to break us when we were together. Such a feeling is hard to find. Although I sort of tried to get away from you guys - for no reason, you guys always come around. With no gayness here, you guys just plainly complete me :D

Absofreakinglutely

2010-03-17T21:06:00.027+08:00

Coraline: Are you coming?
Tyler: Wait, let me check my diary... Are you kidding me? Absofreakinglutely!

I want to wish my gratitude to the person who has planned to do KADET POLIS marching practice. It's because of you, I've got the chance to see Atul and Ainaa :D, without me having to spend my money and asking dad to send me to your houses everyday :P - not that I intend to. HAHA!

So leaving Atul with her kawad, we played tennis for a bit. We didn't play that well due to empty stomach. I, in addition, was feeling guilty because my life at home is not balanced so far. Dad said I played too much but less reading. He was right. My parents are always right, I just could not argue -_-. Studying has to be constant. Holiday does not mean keeping education away. It is the chance for me to catch up with anything I overlooked.

So much for guilty... I only filled in three pages of blanks. Ainaa on the other hand eventually went into the wonderland. I was hoping the time to go slower, for there were many more pages to be filled in! But the thought of cinema was too intriguing. For the first time ever, I did not care on what movie to watch. Being way too long in boarding school can do that to me.

In result, we watched Remember Me, starring Robert Pattinson. Just so you know, we had a hitch in getting into the cinema. On the web it certainly stated that it was a PG13 movie. But when we got there, they said it was a freaking 18PL movie. We were pissed off. But still, we got through.

Before going home, we had to buy Dark Mocha at Starbucks. It was just too yummy to miss it. We hung a few - including snapping pictures - then parted at the escalator. Thankfully I didn't have to spend money on transportation :P

Kadet Laut

2010-03-14T22:10:00.005+08:00

Our total marks were the same as scout's. But because of our tidiness, we've lost to them. So we got the fourth. Sad? Yes. But not deeply, 'coz I could see that our effort was not much enough than of the winners. We barely practice our marching. Only once a week when there was only 5 weeks left. Can you imagine that? But still, fourth is kind of an achievement. With only that bit of effort. Thanks to our coach, Staff Shawal ;)
By the way, our girl's uniform was said to be 'hot'. Haha :P

This tough guy here is Anas. He keeps bugging me for pictures. Betul2 capub. Haha. P/s, I did not look my best here. See that baray? WEIRD.

Good news is, the burden's off! Now it's time to work that brain.

Four golds baby!

2010-03-14T21:46:00.006+08:00

I bet my old friends could not believe this. I've never won even a gold in my life. Well, since childhood. The great thing is, Tok Sira, a GREEN house won the first place! Yeah. Finally in my five years being in a green house. Thankfully no kawad competition among the houses. Or not, we're doomed.
To A'an, I somehow stole your idea for that sepanduk. They ain't look that good compared to yours though ;) It was a last minute work anyway and we were not free to just get out and buy things. In result, of course we did not win for perhiasan khemah. Still good coz we did not get the last. Hehe.

If only I got one more, I could've get that olahragawati title. On the bright side, I've contributed kind of lots in the victory of the green house ;)

Miss it

2010-03-13T16:34:00.002+08:00

I missed the freaking last chance that I had. It wasn't intentional to go there. It was only guts. In just those split seconds, I've thought of all the possibilities and uncertainties... It came to nothing. You just passed by.